For the last 30 or so years of my life I have seldom had a problem getting out of bed in the morning. I have fit quite comfortably in the box of ‘early risers’ up until sometime this year. I’m not sure what has changed. Maybe it is some recognition that the one thing that has been most important in my life for the last 5 years may never come to fruition and that loss of anticipation means today will be pretty much a repeat of yesterday. Maybe it is the average of 5 hours sleep each night finally catching up. Maybe it is just age. One more year down.
This morning I woke an hour early and failed to put my mind to rest so I could get back to sleep. As frustration grew, the cats grew restless in anticipation of breakfast. Frustration grew. When the alarm went off I was still wide awake but rather than get up with time to complete my morning routine before work, I laid there and grew more frustrated…and so did the cats. This was not going to be a good day, obviously.
When it came time to hop into the shower I pulled up youtube to see what new chillout tune was being recommended to me by their algorithms. I was hoping to take my mind to another place under the hot water on a cold day. There were plenty but there but in the middle was also an Alan Watts piece that I had somehow not listened to yet and at less than 20 minutes long, it fit into my now cramped schedule.
This one was meant for me today. It is little things like this that make me wonder and gives me hope.