Thankfully, I don’t get depressed very often but last night it hit me. I really have nothing to complain about and since I’ve been trying to simply my life I don’t spend much time thinking about whatever it is I might be missing. Yes, I still make whimsical purchases that leave me scratching my head at some point but those instances are usually a failure to consider whether I actually need them. I don’t believe they have anything to do with being depressed though as these thoughts just rolled from the dark corners of my mind I realized I may not have fully considered that possibility in the past.
Anyway, last night was nothing about feeling that I’m lacking anything – other than a person in my life to share the moments of the day with. The fact is I thought I had found that special person but after several years of trying to make a long distance relationship work while thinking the day would soon come that we’d finally be together, she decided that she felt differently. I keep hoping she will change her mind but as time goes by without any indication that she will, more and more I’ve found myself wondering what about lots of things including the future.
Usually, I don’t let those thoughts bring me down too much. Last night I did.
I’ve still no clue about the future and so I do my utmost to live in the present. What I do know is that, if not checked, depression is self feeding and that I feel sincerely bad for those that do deal with this more than occasionally….and that I don’t intend to let it ruin the rest of my day.